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That is a truism you’ve heard me say before … in the following way: “all things being equal people will buy from those they like most and those most like them.”
That expression is even printed on the back of my business cards.
But maybe you’ve thought:
“Come on Coach, you can’t just decide to be likeable! Either you are or you aren’t.”
Right – good question: How do you get to be likeable?
I have thought about this for a long time and I am finally ready to give you my philosophy on this fascinating topic of likeability. And it’s NOT what you’d expect!
Why is it that some Coach Nick clients who have taken all my technique classes, from opening a sales call, to effectively managing others to closing the deal, and then put all those techniques into practice, STILL can’t be top performers?
Most of us work from the paradigm that when we want to accomplish a goal (e.g. being likable) that all we have to is figure out all the steps/actions that we have to “do” (the doing) in order to have our goal/s turn out.
Whether you are an introvert or extrovert “doing” things, that’s not the secret to succeeding at being likeable. It’s something completely different. It’s who you are – your Way of Being – that makes all the difference in the world.
We want to offer you a different paradigm to work with in order to have your goals turn out (e.g. being likable). The new paradigm invites you to focus on your ways of being first before we start the “doing” as a way to succeed. Next time you have a goal to achieve, be clear on the goal and then focus on the way’s of being that will work in order to have your vision turn out – the “doing” part actually comes last in this new paradigm. We humans are resourceful and will figure out the “doing” and the “mechanisms” needed to achieve that goal.
There are certain Ways of Being that open the doorway for any sales and leadership technique to work and for a goal to be accomplished. Without those essential ways of being, every technique, mechanism and doing in the world will probably fall flat because the ways of being that were being used were all off the mark.
People know you by who you are. It comes through, without a word being spoken – often, it’s just the way you show up. You can lead up to the big closing question, but the door will have been metaphorically slammed in your face from the minute your prospect met you – or even heard you on the phone – if your ways of being are off. People pick up signals from you – silently.
Sorry to be so blunt about this – but the real ‘likeability’ issue just has to be reckoned with in order for you to be a success in sales.
OR in life!
The point where likeability intersects your social life and your business sales is – from my POV - the entire secret to a rich and successful life. And you don’t have to be born with the gift of gab and an infectiously upbeat personality to be likeable.
Your good news is that you get to choose and create the ways of being that produce the greatest return in that particular situation or with a specific person.
Honest.
I have isolated the 7 Ways of Being that contribute to one’s ways of being that compel your prospects to become customers & employees to follow you FOR LIFE.
- Being Outwardly Focused
- Being Authentic
- Being Trustworthy
- Being Connected
- Being Generous
- Being Committed
- Being Positive
I bet your mother told you a thousand times – just be yourself. Be authentic. Who would argue with that maternal formula for business and personal success?
She was right - what will stick in someone’s memory after first encountering you is your authenticity, your warm smile, your eager interest, your eye contact, and your remembering their name.
Do you need to fine tune your ways of being a bit? Then let’s look at each of these 7 Ways of Being. Let’s break it down.
- Being Outwardly Focused. It’s all about THEM. not you. Take the time to gather in your prospect’s energy, his or her own way of being. Worry less about impressing the client and more about your CARING impression of him or her. What’s happening here is that you’re turning the radio dial into your client’s distinct FM (“Feel Me”) signal.
Your clients are all tuned into the same radio station – WIFM (What’s In It For Me). And this is only the beginning. Once you ‘get’ your client, you can look for every opportunity to prove your support. If you’ve taken the time to find out that she is a staunch supporter of a particular charity, walk with her on their annual local marathon. If, by being outwardly focused, you discover that the sales manager has a hidden talent for oil painting – send him a fine sable paint brush. Did she just buy a house? Ask to see photos of the new place. It comes down to caring about them.
- Being Authentic. This means – be your real self. Be the same person in every single circumstance. Hold on to your core values in whatever role you find yourself playing. Don’t try to please others and say the things they’d like to hear. Tell YOUR truth, diplomatically. “Say what you mean and mean what you say – but don’t say it mean.” If you are authentic, people can easily rely on you. They know where you will stand always and never get confused. An authentic person has no false fronts. You can peel back their layers, and you will always find the essential truth about that person. There’s even a certain vulnerability in authentic people. They take risks every day by ‘keeping it real’. Their rewards for this genuineness are that they have true friends and faithful clients. Popeye said it best: “I am who I am and that’s all that I am.” Try this daring authenticity in fearless doses – tell someone how you feel, even if you think they’d disagree. Reveal something about yourself that you might be a bit hesitant to share. If you are authentic, you are open and, yes, vulnerable. But your humanness will be awesomely attractive.
- Being Trustworthy. Do what you say you are going to do. Tell the truth. And those are bare minimums. To qualify as one of Coach Nick’s 7 Ways of Being, I encourage you to think about trustworthiness on a whole new level. Never ever lie. Not even white ones. Admit when you are not sure about something. Avoid the temptation to both exaggerate and minimize facts in your conversations. Listen when you are on the phone with someone. Really concentrate – hear what they are telling you. Or postpone the conversation if you can’t ‘be there’ for them. Be 100% reliable in your encounters. Admit when you made a mistake AND offer tangible ways you intend to remedy both slight and significant errors.
- Being Connected. Find common interests – not for the sake of making a sale, but because you want to enjoy life and share a heightened sense of existence with those you are lucky enough to come in contact with. Play the 6 degrees of separation game – with a twist. Find out how many things you have in common with your prospect or your employee. This reminds me of the Saturday Night Live skit where Gilda Radner and Dan Akroyd go on a first date and they work hard to discover overlaps of interest: “You breathe oxygen and you like chocolate ice cream too? SO DO I …. That’s amazing!” Go for more genuineness than that--when you’re building a rapport be alert for mutual interests, but don’t force them. Be relaxed and open, volunteer some things about yourself, listen carefully and don’t get distracted. You are focusing on your future friend!
- Being Generous. So often in business, we’re worrying about our pricing, our time allocations – and whether we’re getting a fair deal in contract negotiations. In the 7 Ways of Being, though, we push aside those selfish concerns and examine our essential character. Are we willing to lend a hand, a dime, an ear? To do service, to give to charity, to pay attention is the very soul of generosity. Life is not particularly easy, but it can be made easier by your commitment to being a giving individual. Seek out the ways you can improve your character by doing someone a good turn and not get found out. Put the shopping cart back in the rack in the parking lot. Pick up strewn litter on a side street. Send in a donation to a client’s favorite charity. Say a kind word about someone who’s being gossiped about. Pay it forward.
- Being Committed. Show up for life. It’s all to easy to duck out of obligations. Especially ones you make to yourself! Excuses come by the bucketful then. “I am too tired, it’s too late, and it’s too cold. I’ll start tomorrow.” STOP IT. If you made a commitment – push past your procrastination or your paralyzing worry and head out the door! Yoda Jedi Master said it best when making commitments, “Do or do not, there is no try.”
Besides having new experiences, you’ll also prove to yourself that you are solidly reliable. AND others will see you as having real integrity. It’s all about being committed – not giving up. Be committed to other things to! Whatever it is that engages you – whether it’s politics, charity, education, culture, athletics, travel, work – be fully ‘into” that interest – commit to it as if it were a passion. It WILL be a passion when you admit to yourself that it’s an active interest, not just a pastime. Your life will be more fulfilling and you will be a ‘deeper’ person, worthy of knowing.
- Being Positive. Whether you think you can, or can’t – you’re right. Nuf said?
Commit to staying open and then make it a priority to improve your Ways of Being on a daily basis. Let’s say you commit to paying attention to how you are connecting -- and not on how you are coming across –- but self-consciousness rears its ugly head? Then re-commit to Coach Nick’s program of personality boot camp. Little by little you’ll find that likeability is a skill you can learn. It all starts with working on yourself – or your Way of Being. Remember, “All things being equal people will buy from those they like most and those most like them.”
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