Nick’s BHWT: Stem Cell Transplant Complete!

“Go shawty, it's your birthday …We gonna party like it's your birthday” – 50 Cent

The stem cell transplant is officially complete and behind us!! Yay!!! After 18 days in the hospital, I am discharged and home (see below)!!!

I’ll say that there were super intense moments during this period in the hospital as I navigated through the eye of the storm and the side effects that arose. In particular, I contracted the Norovirus (the staff said that this was a super rare occurrence) which did a huge number on my heart rate stabilization, my bowel movements and general state of being. It was simply painful, intense and scary.

Now the 2nd birthday celebration and healing continues. I literally have the immune system of a 2-week-old, so I am giving myself permission to act out like a newborn  (Anisa should be happy about that). The framing is important because think about how careful we are about a newborn – who visits the house, who touches them, where you take them, who gets exposed to them, etc. I’m in the same boat so it will be important for me to be responsible about how I take care of myself.

Lastly, my numbers related to my platelets, white and red cells, hemoglobin are all doing great for a 2-week newborn.  And the next couple of months I’ll be rebuilding and strengthening my immune system which is currently in a great starting place. Please keep in mind that all my vaccinations have been eliminated including all the ones from being a baby – once my immune system builds up during the next two months, I will begin getting each of my vaccinations again starting with the COVID vaccine and then the rest ….Good times 

Personal Observations

“With my pen and my electric typewriter …Even in a perfect world where everyone was equal …I'd still own the film rights and be working on the sequel” - Elvis Costello (Every Day I Write The Book)

One of my biggest takeaways from this recent experience in the hospital is the importance of trusting yourself on what you need. Like truly trusting yourself like your life depends on it ….because for me, that’s what it came down to.

Yes, I trust the medical team. Yes, I trust the protocols and approaches of the medical team. Yes, I will always BE open and respectful to their feedback and collaboration. And I also know more than ever, after all this, what I need inside the experience that goes beyond their often text book and cooker-cutter approach which misses the human side …which means I had the experience of not BEING known at times.

Yes, you want to advocate for yourself …and my point goes well beyond just advocating for yourself. It’s about standing up for yourself which may BE the most loving choice you can make for you.

For example, once the chemo treatments and stem cell transplant process was complete, the side effects started to roll in and take their toll. And during those few days, the medical staff was vigilant about sharing with me how I should feel (literally kept repeating the below):

a) “your numbers are good, feel better…”,

b) “you just had a major procedure so you can’t be sitting around …you need to stand up and walk and exercise …why are you not getting up enough”

c) “your numbers are better than yesterday …you are on the right track …so you really need to BE smiling and getting up …”,

d) “we really haven’t dealt with this Norovirus, so you’ll need to just bear it down and fight through it …”,

e) “let’s do our every 2-hour checklist of standard questions/vitals to review where you are (even though we never connected the dots back to other info/conversations) …”

Although I know and believe the intention of the medical team was to BE supportive and loving, I really believe they missed the mark by telling me the “book” I should write based on what they think was right for me. In fact, what was missing was someone actually checking in with me and asking me what I was feeling, what I really needed (non-medical), what was this experience bringing up for me, etc.

In fact, I was so turned off by their disconnected checklists, inauthentic questions and their “this is how you need to feel” sentiments, I literally had to say out loud for me, “Shut the Fuck Up!!!!”. Literally, in the middle of the experience, I let out a huge gasp and just yelled out into the room, “Shut the Fuck Up!!” I know what I need and I’m going to stand up for myself and write my own “book.”

Shut the Fuck Up was the game changer for me and my take-away. I know what I need beyond all of the above!!!

Once I stood up for myself, I made several requests:

• I got approval to bring my medical marijuana so I could sleep because I wasn’t able to during the first week (originally, they said NO and were not flexible).

• We got approval to extend visiting hours so Anisa and my family could spend more time. They had visiting hours till 6:30 pm – WHY? I need my people around me to heal. They approved it for me yet not for other patients.

• I became proactive in managing the medications they were giving me related to the heart, bowel movements, sleep, etc. I got clear about what was working and what was not …

  • In fact, for the last few days, I collaborated very closely about my medicine management around my heart (which was impacted by this process) so that I could get discharged because otherwise I believe they would have had me in the hospital even longer.

This last point was so important in my transformation in shifting my relationship to trust because I told the medical team that what I needed was less medication and instead needed to BE home – BE in my room in the dark in my bed – BE in my space where I could connect to my soul in a quiet way. So, I could sleep. I told them I needed to BE in bed listening to my boys playing basketball downstairs in the park where they play so that I could fall asleep peacefully – I know that would calm my heart down and have me grounded in new ways.

Guess what, when I was discharged yesterday, the first thing I did was to go and rest in my room – and I fell asleep peacefully listening to the kids play outside. It’s what the doctor needed and ordered!!!! I trust me and what I need damn it.

Trust YOU. When you trust yourself, the world occurs as safe, abundant, quieter, and more creative. When you don’t trust yourself, the world occurs as tight, scarce, limited choices, chaotic and less collaborative. When you trust, you trust others more …and you are still proactive about standing for yourself.

My invitation, is to stand up against “the machine” and just say, “Shut the fuck up!!!” Yes, I know the data …I know the information and choices available ….and I also know what my body requires to heal and be at peace. My chapter needs to include the kids playing outside in order for my heart rate to chill out.

Thank you for all the messages, gifts, voicemails, texts, emails and powerful energies sent my way during this intense period – like really, thank you. I promise, YOU are my difference. And a special, special THANK YOU to my loving life partner Anisa who was at the hospital daily and who always leaves me with the experience of BEING known.

And a thank you to the staff on the 5th floor at Sloan (74th Street) who are truly on top of the field and what they do is extraordinary – the fact that they were open to me standing for myself in the way I did, shows that they do get it and are committed to the human.

With love, health, and healing,
Nick

I’m home after 18 days in the hospital sporting my new hairdo!

Release me!!! Getting discharged.

The nursing staff are setting up the actual stem cell transplant. The process itself is anti-climatic however there’s a lot that gets us to this very important step.

Transplant happening in my hands. The nurses sang me happy 2nd birthday and brought me chocolate ice cream and brownies to celebrate.

My Men's Group sent me a care package. Like I’ve said, my peeps are my source for healing.