Nick’s BHWT, Happy Holidays
Good news to share. I just completed cycle 4 of 6. Oh yeah baby!!! This is one of my favorite holiday gifts to myself – Complete cycle 4 and get a week off to rest and ring in the new year. I must be on St. Nick’s good list
More good news, I am scheduled to start physical therapy on 1/5 for my back and I’m also going to be starting a new bone enhancing medication at the same time aimed at strengthening my bones. All good stuff.
In other news, my body has been feeling the intensity of the chemo and the treatments. During the last couple of weeks, I have had moments of being seriously physically drained, having a really hard time getting out of bed and going to the bathroom quite often (sorry and real ). And a little grumpy say the women of my life. The physical toll that my body has taken as I get deeper into my treatments has also impacted my spirit at times recently.
Personal Observations:
“I love me …so I can love you …so you can love you …so that you may love me back” – mentor
In the last 2 weeks, I have had three people share the story of what a flight attendant delivers prior to a plane taking off which reminded me of the sentiment above that a dear mentor of mine once shared.
Side bar: I have always had a rule that when 2 or more people tell me something within a few days, that I need to pay attention (and even act), because the universe is coming for me with an important message.
Back to my share … As you know, prior to a plane taking off, the flight crew provides safety protocols and precautions in case of an emergency landing. One of those safety measures includes, taking the oxygen mask for yourself first, before helping your loved ones and those around you, to help them put on their masks. The context is simple – I cannot support others if I don’t have the necessary oxygen to breathe – I cannot provide clarity or keep others grounded if I don’t first get the oxygen and have my wits about me. I am stronger for them by being stronger for me.
So, as my body feels more and more of the physical toll which I described above, I realize that the universe is providing me once again a gift and a lesson. The gift is that for me to take care of others …and to contribute to others (contribution is one of my core values) …that I need to first give back to myself and to take care of me. I need to love me …so I can love you …
By loving me first, I also realize that it can be a gift to others because I get to role-model, self-care, set healthy boundaries and send a message to the universe that I (you) matter. And when I matter, everyone else matters. And then everyone matters, the world occurs as safe, as an opportunity and as a ‘get to’ (versus ‘have to’). Again by “I love me …”, I realize I can truly make a difference for others.
As a simple, yet important, example, this past Sunday while the boys were with me, I was super wiped out. My body was craving for rest. And part of the rest included needing quiet for the evening, and not needing to wake up super early the next morning to make breakfast and get them off to school, all which would take further toll on me. So, I made the choice to “I love me …so I can love you/others” when I reached out to Julie (the boy’s mom) and asked if I could bring them back to her on Sunday. Although I felt sad to make this choice, I also realized that this was a big week which required me to successfully close things out at work, celebrate Xmas with the kids and be joyous, being around lots of people so I needed to honor my body and rest.
And the result has been that I have been energized, joyous and connected all week. I feel so good about my choice that it has successfully carried me during this whole week filled with all its busy-ness and craziness. Even our ride up to CT from NYC, was so sweet and loving with us talking about politics (yes, it’s super cool to talk about the world with the children-of-the corn) singing Xmas carols and just being quiet. So, the car ride filled me up which all started with my choice on Sunday to “I love me …”
One last point. I realize through conversations with my therapist and healer, that one of the reasons I have not often “I love me” is because I have been driven by doing things to prove my value and worth (shared this in previous emails). Even as a coach and facilitator, I realize that I have often operated from a place of wanting to “save someone” (ego driven) verses from a place of support, inspiration or awakening (heart driven).
The need to ‘save,’ stems from what I believe is missing in me (I know this is all a story) and, therefore, the need to fill that hole. To be clear, people don’t need saving. It’s actually icky to even acknowledge this and it’s not cool. When I need to ‘save’ others, I am also not in an “I love me …” place because it’s coming from a place of needing to fill the hole because something is perceived to be missing and the need to feel worthy.
When I am in the ‘save you’ mode, I am really not taking care of anyone and creating an experience of taking, energy suck and victimhood.
Another Sidebar: the only time someone needs saving is if they are about to physically hurt themselves or others.
So, this week, I made different choices several times, where I chose intentionally to not “save” anyone. Instead, I listened from a place of support, inspiration and to awaken. By listening and operating from this place, I was truly energized which allowed me to take care of me and others in a new way. And by listening from this new place, it felt easy and seamless. Easy peasy because it was coming from a place that nothing needed any fixing.
Operating from this new place of support, inspiration and awakening allows us to see everything as good. In fact, perfect. Nothing needs fixing. Unless you choose to do something. But now, from this place, you are choosing to do something from a place of just wanting to because it’s aligned with your truth rather than choosing from a place of necessity. And in this place, because everything is perfect, you are being “I love me …so I can love you …so you can love you …so that you may love me back.”
I know that this is all complicated, deep and a lot to connect. I am still sorting through all this myself ….
Enjoy the holiday season, focus on the beauty around us, acknowledge the lessons from ’21 and open the door to ’22.
With love and healing,
St. Nicholaos
There are no throw-aways in life. Including the socks. It all matters.
This week, in 1946, my favorite movie was released. This is the perfect example of my message from the email.
We are ready. And gingerbread cookies for St. Nick's visit on Friday night.
I’m still standing!! Sing it with me. “I’m still standing!!!”