Nick’s BHWT, October 10, 2021

Healthy Greetings!

I want to acknowledge that I’m a bit tardy in sending out my weekly update. This past week has been the most-quiet week since the week of 8/8 when I checked myself into the ER and found out my diagnosis.  

Yes, Quiet! Peaceful! Grounded! Stable! Do I seem happy?  You bet! I actually felt like myself – like I metaphorically had color in my cheeks.

As you may recall, I do three weeks of chemo treatments and then get one week off. This past week was my off week from the chemo treatments. I start cycle 2 this coming week so please send positive thoughts/energy my way so my body continues to respond favorably and that my key markers continue to show progress in getting me to 100% healthy and fully recovered.

My back aches also seem to have calmed down and it felt a whole lot better – go figure – I’m still scheduled for the MRI this Friday so I’m sure I will have an interesting update  Oy as they say here in NYC. The adventures of the MRI – they should pay those techs extra for dealing with me.

Also, I had a cardio check in and the heart continues to be strong – EKG and echo came back sound.

Lastly, another reason it was so quiet this week is because my beloved Yankees did the unthinkable against the bad guys up north – did they not get the memo from my oncologist that the Yankees winning is part of a sound cancer treatment plan?!  I may be quitting baseball as a result of this latest debacle.

Personal Observations:
As I mentioned above, it was a super quiet week. And inside of being ‘quiet’ lies my breakthrough and opportunity to grow. I was really pleased that I finally had a quiet week – no one poking at me for blood, no IV’s, no convos about meds, etc. All that said, I also found myself anxious and feeling like I needed to ‘do something’.  Not sure what …but something…I have cancer and I’m Me so something needs to get done. This is a familiar feeling …always needing to be busy…always needing to do something to feel worthy or valued or to create value.

So as the week went on, I started looking for the ‘action’ – and that’s easy for me to find when you run/facilitate two different men’s groups. I found myself getting worked up and upset about conversations that were going on in our private email groups – at one point, I was on a call with someone raising my voice, waving my arms, getting worked up …. and Anisa came over to remind me to calm down. Oy! Some of you can picture me getting all fired up so this deserves an extra big Oy!

And in that moment I realized that I was uncomfortable with the quiet and things being stable. Mind you, this is not a new realization. When I had my radio show, we were doing a show on the same day of the Oscars, and my radio host partners gave me the Oscar award during that episode for, “The person most likely to use explosives in an otherwise peaceful movie.” LOL. And it’s not funny anymore.

After Anisa, and a couple of the men from the men’s group reminded me that I needed to chill, I spent the rest of the weekend quietly chilling out. What I also did was a healing meditation with a friend of mine from Greece – he and I have been doing this a couple of times a week where we are both silent together for about 20 minutes – and usually inside of that process, I will find myself connecting to a place of nothingness – completely empty and quiet – and in that moment I have peace and it feels so much better than always having to find the action. I’m actually energized and renewed.

For those who know me, don’t worry …I am still going to be passionate, energetic and caring. I’m going to bring myself fully while also taking care of myself along with others inside of the experience of coaching, facilitating, being in relation with them, etc. – everyone should be taken care of when anyone is being taken care of.

I conclude with something that I just saw my brother-in-law post on FB, “Dear me, Don’t fall back into your old patterns just because they’re familiar.”

I made a commitment to all of you a couple of weeks that I was committed to showing up differently in the world – and that included being peaceful. I am going to continue to embrace the quiet and being grounded. What I experienced this past week of having quiet won’t take away from being passionate.

Thank you again to all for reaching out with your love notes, positive affirmations, gifts, food and for making me feel like I am connected to something special. I got this! We got this!

With love and healing,
Nick

So great to be in CT at the beach house - our new favorite place and to be standing upright!

More posing. Cmon give me some wiggle room around posing :)

We played a classic Papa D monopoly game. There was some yelling and accusations but no tears. We are making progress.

It was John Lennon’s bday last week. Just a reminder to keep imagining …you are not the only one.

Watching my one playoff game. Sad yes. As I said, I’m quitting baseball.