Nick’s BHWT, The Journey
Hi everyone,
Medical Update:
“I've got to admit it's getting better (Better) …A little better all the time (It can't get no worse) …I have to admit it's getting better (Better) ..It's getting better …Since you've been mine” –- Lennon/McCartney
I must admit that I am so exhausted right now and feeling ill – in fact, I slept almost 36 hours straight during the last two days. Writing this is a challenge because of how I feel, yet I know it’s important to share and get this all out of my head.
I am complete with the first part of this journey! And to acknowledge the moment, I rang the bell at Sloan with the nurses. YES!!!
I am going to savor this moment – thank you all for being my angels, partners, and supporters. This first part included:
the shock of finding out I have cancer
the back procedure to repair my five breaks/fractures
five days of radiation
six-months of chemo treatments
physical therapy for my back
dealing with this new reality
Whew!!!!
I’d like to acknowledge my brother-in-law Mike who came with me to almost every chemo treatment during the last six months. Having Mike by my side made the experience easier to deal with – it was so great to spend time together, get to know each other, and talk about everything under the sun.
Here’s what’s next now that this part is complete:
Monday 2/28 I do a pet scan and a biopsy to determine what’s left
Monday 3/7 I meet with the oncology team and review the results from those tests and blood work and determine next steps
3/22 & 3/23, they will do an extraction of healthy cells from my body - they’ll then freeze the cells for a future stem cell transplant (regardless of if I do it in April or a year from now)
Stem Cell Transplant? Date yet to be determined
Personal Observations:
“Hope your road is a long one” – C.P. Cavafy
I included a picture of me below where I am ringing the bell which is a tradition at Sloan when a patient completes their chemo treatments.
It’s important to acknowledge and celebrate when we complete different phases of a long and intense process. By taking the time-out, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow from the experience (what worked, what didn’t work, what I noticed, what inspired me, where I was stoppable, etc.). Also, by celebrating along the way, it allows me to build my resilience, because I am reinforcing the evidence that I can “do it” – that I have the muscle/s to build and expand.
Way too often, I have not taken the time out to savor the moment, as I described above, because I thought that the outcome was everything – that reaching the destination was everything. We live in a culture that focuses on the result exclusively which misses out on all the gold that can get discovered along the way.
I was reminded of C.P. Cavafy's poem, “Ithaka,” which evokes Homer’s Odyssey in stressing the importance of the journey over the destination. I feel like I need to read the poem every day to remember that LIFE IS THE JOURNEY …not the destination.
Here’s a link to the poem and I copied a part that speaks to me below, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51296/ithaka-56d22eef917ec:
"Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you’re destined for.
But don’t hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you’re old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn't have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean."
The poem represents the journey that Odysseus takes home and what he learns - it’s symbolic for any of our life’s journeys (or goals) - the journey and the process to get to the destination is everything - when you focus on the journey, you are present and living in the moment which allows you to be fully creative and to fully take in the lessons.
When we focus on the goal or result only, we are not present, and we miss many things including being connected to others.
For example, in the poem it says, “Hope your road is a long one” implying that the longer the process, the more there is to notice and to learn.
So, I am learning and noticing a great deal from my cancer journey, and I am grateful for everything (high and lows) that are being presented. All of it is a gift. Not some parts. ALL of it.
With love, journeys, and healing,
Nick
You can ring my bell, bell, bell …Ring my bell.
Anisa and me dancing to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” when I finished my chemo treatments.
And then there were ZERO treatments.
Thank you to all of you who contributed to our Super Bowl Box Fundraiser for HEART. We raised over $20,000 for the school!
This beach view from our deck doesn’t suck.
My sister had a bday this month. She’s simply the best. Not as good as my hair though.